It’s that time of year, Apple fans: Do you really need another iPhone?

For regular readers of this column, here is a programming note: the Macalope will be off the next four weeks, so you will have to make up your own opinions about Apple’s travails with AI, tariffs, and making text in Liquid Glass appear in any way legibly. Also, someone will have to stop by the Macalope’s local Apple Store every few days to stick their head in and yell “IPHONE MINI FOREVER!” and then run away.

No, the Macalope is not proud of it, thank you. But if you know of a better way to fight the system than yelling at people who are not in any way responsible for it, well, then you must not be on BlueSky.

After filing weekly for God knows how long, the Macalope is taking a much-needed respite from things like the aforementioned and having to watch Tim Cook stand there awkwardly while reporters ask the very powerful people on either side of him extremely awkward questions.

[Cook leans over and pushes Liquid Glass-looking award forward, then ducks out a side door and jumps in a cab] “Dulles International. And step on it!”

The horny one will not return until after Apple’s iPhone 17 event, now expected to take place on September 9, but it looks like Apple has a few ducks to get in a row before the big show.

It’s too bad they are not actual ducks because aligning ducks might actually be easier than some of the challenges Apple currently faces. Still, these are the kinds of things that, in the past, silly pundits would have claimed were signs of impending Apple doom. Now, pretty much everyone agrees the company is large enough and comfortable enough that there’s very little that’s going to bring it down to earth any time soon.

Last week, Tim Cook said all was well in Siritown, even though the company was window shopping for AI companies that could help it with much-needed infrastructure projects downtown. This week, according to Mark Gurman, the company is testing the new and improved Siri with third-party apps, including Uber, YouTube, Facebook, and Temu.

Mike Rockwell: “Siri, buy me 20 crop tops in various colors.”

Siri: “Sure, Mike. $4 was charged to your Apple Card.”

Mike Rockwell: “Nailed it.”

Cannot wait for these experiences.

Gurman says the idea is that:

…Siri could operate your apps like you would — with precision, inside their own interfaces.

Great, then what am I supposed to do?! Operating apps is practically all the Macalope does now!

Enhanced Siri will not ship until iOS 26.4 in the spring, so it will be interesting to see what, if anything, Apple demos of it on September 9th. Last year’s demos were, if you recall, a mistake as the company was not able to deliver on its promises for iOS 18.

It’s a good thing these events aren’t live because, if they were, there’s a chance it could be the second most awkward event Cook’s been at this year.

Thanks to tariffs imposed by the Trump administration, the price you pay for an iPhone could be more, with analysts estimating–well, guessing, they’re completely guessing–between $50 and $100 more. Apple is expected to sweeten the deal by bumping up the base storage on the affected models. That’s great and probably the best way to deal with a difficult situation, but Apple gets you both coming and going because, oh, you want to back that phone up to iCloud? Well, we have a number of very ridiculously priced storage plans for you to choose from that we have unbelievably not changed in years!

Of course, Apple is far from the only company to be facing these tariffs, meaning costs are going up for people across the board. The Macalope suggests taking the weeks between now and September 9 to think about how much you really need a new iPhones this year. You don’t have to get one just because you’re on the Upgrade Plan or just because Jerry in accounting is getting one. Jerry has no home life! What else does Jerry have to look forward to than temporarily filling the void inside him with the acquisition of material goods?!

Plus, it’s not like there’s going to be an iPhone 17 mini, so what’s even the point?