Tim Cook’s reward for exemplary service? The worst job in the world

There’s a running joke in the TV show “The Wire” about awkward police officers being asked disingenuously about the posting they would least like to be given, just so their vengeful bosses can be sure to send them there. (Detective McNulty gets sick on boats, for example, so he’s assigned to the marine unit.) I’m starting to wonder if Apple operates a similar system.

It was announced yesterday that Apple CEO Tim Cook will step down on September 1 after 28 years at the company, 15 of them in the top job. He’s achieved more in that time than almost anyone else in the tech industry, to the extent that some might even argue he’s been a better CEO than Steve Jobs. And Cook’s reward for this tireless service… is a full-time gig as presidential liaison.

That’s right. Rather than retiring, as a 65-year-old who’s been working insane hours for decades has every right to do, Cook is moving into a new role: executive chairman of Apple’s board of directors. Chairman of the board is one of those vague jobs that can mean a great deal or very little, depending on the state of the company and the disposition of the chairman. Some attend a few meetings and sign a few documents; others work long and stressful days putting out metaphorical fires. But it’s not hard to guess Cook’s principal focus. He’ll be there to answer the phone when President Trump calls.

As far as we can tell, and as far as he likes anyone, Trump seems to like Tim. And Cook has done a good job of giving the impression that the feeling is mutual, by dutifully appearing at numerous speeches and photo opportunities and even donating a million dollars of his personal fortune to the president’s inaugural committee. Against the odds, the two have built a strong working relationship, and it’s unlikely Apple would have won tariff exemptions and alleged special favors without playing nice in this way.

But none of this can have been easy. Cook is a member of the LGBTQ community, leading a famously liberal company that depends on skilled immigrant workers, so it’s hard to believe he enjoys publicly supporting a politician who campaigns against all of those things. Appearing in public with Trump can be polarizing because it gives the impression that one agrees with the frequently absurd things he says, and because he likes to demand presents and other displays of fealty. You have to sit there nodding even when he gets your name wrong.

On Tuesday morning, in fact, Trump posted on his Truth Social account that Cook called him to “kiss my ass” when he needed a favor before praising him as an “amazing manager and leader” and an “incredible guy” because “he makes these calls to me.” So the relationship is complicated.

If I were Cook, I’d be happy to hand over that stuff to the next man. The problem is that Apple can’t replace that dynamic so easily. President Trump was surely briefed this morning about incoming Apple CEO John Ternus. But Ternus doesn’t have that personal relationship with the president and hasn’t built up loyalty with gifts and appearances. (He also isn’t as famous as Cook, and Trump does seem to be influenced by celebrity. This may be why he got on so well with NYC mayor Zohran Mamdani.)

Sadly for Cook, then, the very worst part of the job is the one part he has to keep doing for at least two more years. No longer will he direct product strategy. No longer will he appear on stage at keynotes. Instead, he gets to spend all his time on call for the next presidential meltdown, ready at a moment’s notice to stand behind the lectern and put on a serious face while a man rants about sharks and windmills. It’s almost enough to make me feel sorry for him, until I remember that he’s a billionaire and he certainly doesn’t need the money.

Which raises another possibility. Maybe Cook has found that he actually likes political schmoozing. Maybe this is his dream posting. Now there’s a troubling thought.